Lower Breckleton Borough Council, Customer Service Department

"Good morning sir, how can I help?"
"Good morning. I'd like to claim damages from the council for my car. It was damaged by a pothole on a public road."
"I see."
"Can I do that?"
"Well, you could, but it would be terribly selfish of you, sir."
"Selfish? Would it?"
"Yes. You see, if it wasn't for people like you, sir, claiming money for damage caused by potholes, the council would have enough money to fill the potholes in. As it is, though, our hands are tied. Sand doesn't grow on trees, you know."
"But if the council had simply maintained the roads in the first place, there would be no claims."
"Would that it were so simple, sir. If it were just cars we had to worry about I'd be a happy man! But we have to deal with continental drift, stilt walkers, sunspots, dead albatrosses falling from the sky...each one enough to create the tiniest imperfection in the tarmac, to be nibbled at and gnawed at by tyres until a pothole sits like a boil in our otherwise flawless road. And the council can't monitor the flight path of every ageing albatross, sir! The costs would be crippling."
"So by making a claim, I'm preventing the council from maintaining roads."
"In effect, sir, yes."
"Roads that have been damaged by falling birds."
"Well, in fairness, the albatross is quite a large bird."
"So what would you advise me to do?"
"Go around, sir."
"I'm sorry?"
"The pothole: go around it. Then your car won't be damaged."
"But there are potholes on the other side of the road as well."
"Ah. Then go up on the pavement."
"Won't there be a risk that pedestrians will be injured?"
"Of course, but any such injuries and related claims will be made against you and not us. There, I think that's all settled then, thank you for your time. Next! Oh, good morning sir, how can I help?"
"Good morning. My rubbish wasn't collected this morning. I'd like to make a complaint."
"I see."
"Can I do that?"
"Well, you could, but it would be terribly selfish of you, sir."