One sided conversations #1

"We're not sure really, he was in there when we bought the place. The previous owners didn't say anything about him."

"That's right, just swimming around in there all day. He can't get out, he's too big to fit through the pipes. I suppose he must've got in there when he was a baby, don't know how. He seems happy enough though."

"No, he's not a great white, that would be absurd. He's a mako shark. We called in a marine biologist to give us some advice and that's what he told us he was. It was him that told us they're a protected species."

"So we couldn't just kill him, exactly right."

"Well yes, but to get in there we'd have to shut down our whole system and dismantle half the vats. Besides, even if you did have a tranquiliser gun, would you want to get into a vat of lemonade with one of them swimming around in there with you? And makos aren't native to the British Isles, we'd have to transport him a hell of a long way."

"Before we got here, we simply don't know, but we throw in a few fish for him every now and then. The biologist said he looked in good health, so we can't be doing much wrong. I suppose the sugar in the lemonade gives him some nutrition. We did make sure we routed the 'regular' rather than the 'diet' through that particular subsystem."

"No, they don't mind. Some of them even bring their kids in to see him at weekends. They call him Mikey."

"Oh no, not at all. It's all completely purified before it goes into bottles and cans."

"I don't think so. It might even be a selling point. I mean, you've heard of Gatorade...need I say more?"