Doubts

I'd not had doubts before. Not until now. For weeks and months I'd planned meticulously, unwavering in my dedication, my wholeness of purpose, and I'd been absolutely sure of myself. As they drenched me in insults I became more and more determined. As the fists fell upon me like rain I grew more convinced of my path. As my friends told me not to be so selfish when my face was crowded by sneers and taunts my resolve only hardened.

Only now, remembering my baby brother's smile as I held him in my arms - as the trigger slots into place, as the hammer falls, as the icy steel of the barrel brushes against my temple - only now, in an oasis of silence, do I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing.